Uncertain Grey...

So it's been quite a while since our last post on Will's trip to Orphanage Emmanuel and much has happened in our lives over the past few weeks. The following Thursday after Will's return home we went for our 20 week appt to check up on Liam. We had a long ultrasound due to all the measurements they take at this point to make sure he's growing properly and all seemed well. After the ultrasound, we sat down and waited for a consult with our midwife, Julie. As Will and I waited for the door to open our minds were overloaded and our hearts heavy. Not concerned about the baby so much as we had no reason to be at this point, but really how much we were trying to control everything and eachother. More so the expectations we had for ourselves as parents and as individuals were burdening us and our relationship. There was so much to communicate and work through. We were overwhelmed and at a loss at how to deal with all the things we were feeling as we sat in silence waiting for the door to open. The moment finally came and Julie rushed in like a whirlwind. Her words were, "Brittany, everything looks great with him, BUT there is fluid on his chest and abdomen that should not be there and I want you to go now and get this seen about." We appreciated her urgency after the fact, but in that moment we were in complete shock. What more did we need on our plate to be overwhelmed about right now? We headed out to the car and I began to fall apart. Why? Why? I kept asking myself. Will didn't know what to say...he just had his hand on me the whole way trying to comfort me the only way he knew how at the moment. We got to the Maternal fetal care unit and our baby was diagnosed with ascites (fluid on the abdomen) and hydrops (fluid on the chest with skin edema). So we have had very heavy hearts over the past few weeks along with our family, but have been in awe at the prayers warriors, so many of whom we don't even know lifting our sweet Liam up to the Lord and calling him by name. Since our initial diagnosis we have been seen twice a week by a high risk specialist, Dr. Hill, who we learned attends our church and has been very thorough with us and is doing everything she can to figure out the cause of this. We have seen a pediatric cardiologist who says Liam's heart is beautiful and doesn't need to see us again...Praise the Lord. All my bloodwork has returned negative for numerous genetic disorders and infections. Rh blood factor is not an issue. We were sent to Scottish Rite Children's Hospital for an MRI and the results came back negative for everything even the fluid and edema, however, it is still showing on the ultrasound. We saw Dr. Hill Monday and she was very pleased with how things looked and that it seems to have somewhat resolved in the abdomen. The fluid on the chest does not seem to be effecting his lung development and so other than a miraculous we are thanking the Lord for the healing we have seen and for his goodness. We are now going on 24 weeks and his progression will be checked once a week from here on out. Liam is certainly living up to the meaning of his name. He is always moving, and so strong. We can't thank you all enough for your faithful prayers for our family during through this and ask that you please continue as we are not out of the woods yet. Over the past weeks we have watched and felt the Lord work in us by removing our controlling grip, lifting our burden of expectation and placing our focus ON Him and trust IN Him who is sovereign and in control of ALL things. We realize this is so far out of our control. What were we thinking trying to figure things out on our own? It was like the Lord was shouting, "Hey! Why don't you try asking me? You're leaving me out of all this and I'm the one that got you where you are in the first place. You can't do all of this on your own." But now that we have relinquished all of this to Him which is a daily effort we have been given this  peace that really and truly surpasses all understanding. All we can say is it's God. We are moved by the realization that our sweet son is already being used by God in our lives and in the lives of others as well and that is all we can possibly ask for. After much debate we have since picked out a shade of grey for Liam's nursery called "uncertain grey". We found the name coincidental but more so the providence of God that we can tie in the color of his nursery to what we are going through with him and realize that through the uncertainty He has made us, "CONFIDENT of this, that He who began a good work in us will carry it on to completion until then day of Christ Jesus." How sweet the father's love for us.